Life, Love and Mortality Part 2: Mortality
Death.It has fascinated me since I was very young. When I was about five years old living back at the old house at Capra in the AC (that’s a little shadow b. trivia for all my friends and family out there), I’d sit awake at night for a lot of nights wondering why I was alive, being thankful for it, and fearing the inevitable end of my life. Pretty deep stuff for a kindergartener, huh? Well, it’s true.
I also pondered (usually at night) existence after death. I though of God, Heaven, Hell, and supernatural manifestations on earth, like hauntings and the like. I guess this was a result of being told ghost stories when I was young. Filipinos tend to be a superstitious lot, and I certainly was no exception. As a result, I was a very frightened child. I guess it didn’t help that we had an old TV that turned on and off in the middle of the night, which was very creepy (later it was discovered to be severely broken inside) and that I somehow sensed that the old Capra house was haunted (an unsubstantiated claim perhaps, but I saw the moving black shadow in the darkened hallway more than once, dammit!).
Anyway, I tend now to think more about the practicalities of death. When my mom took that trip to the emergency room this weekend, I didn’t know what to feel. I only know that my life wouldn’t feel complete without her physical presence if she passed. When I saw my dad on Saturday morning, he just looked so old compared to that portrait we had done as a family back in the 90’s. It was probably stress, I know, but it just shocked me to realize how old he really is; I wouldn’t feel complete without him in my life either.
Both of them have played such an integral role in my development. Granted, my parents’ facilitation of my “development” involved a lot of arguments, yelling, and general differences in ideologies. I didn’t like them for a good long while, but love tends to be a tenacious thing, no? Plus, they’ve ever been supportive of the major life decisions I’ve made for myself through the years; this is a precious thing in a Filipino family.
The point I suppose I want to make is that I’ve never seriously thought of my life without both my mom and dad before and that I’ve not really prepared for that eventuality. And that the Capra house is a nexus of supernatural activity. The shadows moved, I’m tellin’ ya!!!
posted by anthony fuego @ 8:04 PM
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