The Life of Me: Collector's Edition

Bitterness

So basically my life lays unfettered before me. Can someone tell me why the hell I'm dwelling on past issues?

The Air Force, for example. They still piss me off. Almost every day when I worked for them, they always found a way to pat themselves on the back for a job well done, no matter how miniscule the job. But when you live the life and see what really goes on, you notice a surfeit of incompetence on all bureaucratic levels that one would find humorous were it not for the fact that those very same people are responsible for national defense. Granted, there are many who accomplish the Mission successfully every day. But what about the number of Airmen that don't know the basic responsibilities of their jobs, the Captains in operations squadrons that sit around doing nothing or golf half the day, or the General officer that neglects to review his paperwork and negatively affects the future assignment/life opportunities of a junior officer? Honest mistakes that should be acceptable? pheh. For an organization that preaches "excellence in all they do" to its young, it is hypocrisy. When my former commander--the most morbidly idiotic specimen of a "leader"-- got a line number for Colonel last fall, I knew that I had to go. An organization wherein ass-kissing is a criterion for promotion is a broken organization indeed. And what is up with the rampant alcohol usage in the military? The days of every Friday being mandatory beer day at the base club are long gone, but the culture of drunkenness still pervades Air Force society. You are an outcast if you do not imbibe obscene proportions of beer. Beer! Good lord, it's not even the good kind of alcohol!

I am out of that madness now, but I am still bitter.

Here's one that I've grappled with for awhile now...There's this girl I was interested in right? I basically tell her my feelings, but then I get temporarily assigned to Colorado Springs for five weeks. I assumed--poorly--that she had feelings in kind and would...I don't know...wait for me or something. While in CO, I learn that she fucks her ex-boyfriend. Then, when I get back, she tells me that she's dating someone else. Wow. Fuck her and the clown that sticks her. I want her to contract syphilis so that she can feel a physical burning akin to the seething anger I still have towards her.

She is over 200 miles away, but I am still bitter.

So why do I still harbor this anger? With a purpose, anger may be a mean to an end. It can make you work harder to achieve the goal. But there is no point to my negativity at this point! The things I dwell on are things that are better off dead in the past.

I really need positive folks around to lift me up. Without that, I'm afraid that my recent past and the negative feelings associated with it will consume me as much as they did when I was at Vandenberg....

posted by anthony fuego @ 10:59 PM