The Life of Me: Collector's Edition

Full Circle

Every time I try to write something profound, I inevitably seem to disappoint myself. So instead of having the same great expectations for this post—and the requisite patience for editing that I would otherwise put into it to make it sound good--I’ll just tell it how it is. For the last couple of weeks, I’ve been spending time moving back into my parent’s home in Napa. Back when I was stationed at Vandenberg, it didn’t seem like such a big deal because all I ever wanted in the first place was to get out of the military for the entire time I was there. Now that I’m back in the old house and the old neighborhood, things are different. No, no, the physical makeup of the house hasn’t changed. My bedroom was much as I had left it over nine years ago. The downstairs toilet still flushes on its own (the result of a cracked o-ring…ohh, ooohh). The fourth step on the stairwell still creaks. There are also the emotional imprints of the place. For most of my teenage years, I perceived the place as a prison. Under the iron hand of my parents, I really wasn’t allowed to come and go when I wanted. Not that it would have helped if I could; I didn’t have money to go to all the fun places, and I was underage.

Once graduated college and left the area (UC Davis is but 40 minutes up the road), it was so liberating. Part of the reason why I loved Omaha so much was the fact that it was not Napa! It was a fresh start and it was all good. If you’ve kept up with my posts, you all know how my assignment at Vandenberg turned out. And so, I find myself back here. I’ll venture to say that most folks my age don’t live at their parents’ place. So one of the things I began to ask myself upon my return here was: am I a failure? Will this place once again be my prison?

That’s one way to look at it, I suppose…the cynical way. Trusted friends say that I am at a different stage of my life now; to compare my current situation to the one I found myself in one decade ago would be like comparing apples and oranges. I’ve got the job and the money, I’m of age, and the parents aren’t even here for the most part (much of their time is spent in the San Diego condo). So I’ve got this house to myself. I should be ecstatic. But I’m ill at ease. Hmm……

Napa, Davis, Omaha, Santa Maria, Napa. Wonder if this is it for me?

posted by anthony fuego @ 10:56 PM